I read this today:
Children learn what's worth living for and what's worth dying for by the stories they watch us live. I want to teach our children how to get scary close, and more, how to be BRAVE. I want to teach them that LOVE IS WORTH WHAT IT COSTS.
We can take our children to church, and put them around other good people, and read encouraging stories to them at bedtime, but mostly, they will learn what is worth living for and what is worth dying for by the stories the see US actually living.
Hope and Harper,
I hope that the story that you see me living is one worth watching. I hope that, despite the character flaws and shortcomings in the main character, that it is a story that you can learn from. And not only that, I hope it is a story that will show you a life worth living. I hope that you see me chasing lions. I hope that you see me loving and serving your mom, with both strength and humility. I hope that you see me living a life less ordinary, less conforming, and less fearful, and full of joy, pursuit, and authenticity.
And even more importantly, I hope the story that you see me living is worth retelling. And like an old fable that gets passed on from generation to generation, I hope you will observe and be a part of my story, and then take it and make it your own. That you will go and chase your own lions and live a life not based on fear and judgment, but based on love and confidence in the one who has created you.
We are writing our story now, and trying to pursue some things that will allow mom to have less stress at work, and more time with you guys. We are pursuing some things that are a bit unconventional, and that you might not like right away. They are really tough decisions for us, largely because we know that in the short term, they will be tough on you.
However, we believe that we need to make decisions based on a bigger vision. That vision sees us debt free, spending our time and our money how we see fit and not based on what someone else tells us we must do. That vision sees me and your mom with more time to spend with each other, strengthening our relationship, and investing more in each other and in you. That vision sees us traveling and experiencing things together as a family.
We aren't there yet, but we are working on it. We are trying to live a story with watching, and worth retelling.
With all my love,
Dad
Monday, October 31, 2016
Monday, October 24, 2016
I Mess Up A Lot: And You Are A Pain In The Butt
Hope,
Sometimes, you are a complete and total knucklehead.
This morning, for example, you wanted to wear some tights to school. These are also known as leggings. The problem is, that there is a dress code at our school, and part of that dress code is that you can't wear leggings that aren't clearly covered by your shirt. So your shirt has to cover your rear end when you wear leggings. The other problem is, that I teach at your school. So the last thing I want is for you to show up in tight leggings with your little 2nd grade hiney showing to everyone, and your teacher has to call me and tell me that you are not meeting dress code. Then, you will have to go to the nurse's office, and they will give you some clothes that somebody donated back in 1989 for kids that don't meet the dress code.
At that point, not only will they call me, but you'll have to spend the rest of the day wearing a jumper with school buses and apples on it or whatever was out of style enough to be donated to the nurse's office in 1989.
Really, I'm trying to protect both of us.
But you don't always see it that way. So when I asked you to change, you argued. I offered a bunch of appropriate suggestions, but you didn't like any of them. I went through your closet, piece by piece with you, and even offered you suggestions on other things that you could wear WITH your leggings (the leggings were important to you). But you didn't like any of my suggestions. In fact, today, you didn't like ANY of the clothes in your closet. Like, ANYTHING.
I'm worried about what you are going to wear tomorrow, because you told me today that you didn't like anything in your closet today.
So we couldn't come to an agreement. Because you act like a knucklehead sometimes. But so do I.
You see, when I was your age, I refused to wear pants, ever. I wore athletic shorts, all the time. Summer, Winter, Spring, and Fall: athletic shorts. One day your grandmother, my mom, made me wear jeans to kindergarten, and I hated them so much, that I hunkered myself down in the reading tub, and refused to get out. I just screamed, "I'm hottttt!!!, I'm soooo hottttt!!!" over and over again. We'll my mom worked at the school too, and she had to come down and give me some shorts so I would quit acting like a raving lunatic.
You would think I would have some sympathy for your clothing issues. Lord knows I had plenty of my own growing up.
Instead, I yelled at you, really loudly. I yelled at you, and took away priveledges, and I yelled at you some more. It's hard to feel like a good dad every day, particularly on days like this. I'll try and do better next time (maybe tomorrow).
I love you, even when you are a pain in the butt. I hope you love me, even when I yell at you.
Dad
Sometimes, you are a complete and total knucklehead.
This morning, for example, you wanted to wear some tights to school. These are also known as leggings. The problem is, that there is a dress code at our school, and part of that dress code is that you can't wear leggings that aren't clearly covered by your shirt. So your shirt has to cover your rear end when you wear leggings. The other problem is, that I teach at your school. So the last thing I want is for you to show up in tight leggings with your little 2nd grade hiney showing to everyone, and your teacher has to call me and tell me that you are not meeting dress code. Then, you will have to go to the nurse's office, and they will give you some clothes that somebody donated back in 1989 for kids that don't meet the dress code.
At that point, not only will they call me, but you'll have to spend the rest of the day wearing a jumper with school buses and apples on it or whatever was out of style enough to be donated to the nurse's office in 1989.
Really, I'm trying to protect both of us.
But you don't always see it that way. So when I asked you to change, you argued. I offered a bunch of appropriate suggestions, but you didn't like any of them. I went through your closet, piece by piece with you, and even offered you suggestions on other things that you could wear WITH your leggings (the leggings were important to you). But you didn't like any of my suggestions. In fact, today, you didn't like ANY of the clothes in your closet. Like, ANYTHING.
I'm worried about what you are going to wear tomorrow, because you told me today that you didn't like anything in your closet today.
So we couldn't come to an agreement. Because you act like a knucklehead sometimes. But so do I.
You see, when I was your age, I refused to wear pants, ever. I wore athletic shorts, all the time. Summer, Winter, Spring, and Fall: athletic shorts. One day your grandmother, my mom, made me wear jeans to kindergarten, and I hated them so much, that I hunkered myself down in the reading tub, and refused to get out. I just screamed, "I'm hottttt!!!, I'm soooo hottttt!!!" over and over again. We'll my mom worked at the school too, and she had to come down and give me some shorts so I would quit acting like a raving lunatic.
You would think I would have some sympathy for your clothing issues. Lord knows I had plenty of my own growing up.
Instead, I yelled at you, really loudly. I yelled at you, and took away priveledges, and I yelled at you some more. It's hard to feel like a good dad every day, particularly on days like this. I'll try and do better next time (maybe tomorrow).
I love you, even when you are a pain in the butt. I hope you love me, even when I yell at you.
Dad
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Just So You Know
Hope and Harper,
Just so you know, your mom and I love you more than you know. I think, most times, we love you more than even we know. It's a difficult thing, to be a good parent, perhaps the hardest thing we've ever done. We both teach, and we often hear this theme that we should assume that everyone is doing the best they can with their kids. I don't really know that I believe this, because I've seen some parents that don't really seem like they are trying very hard. But I want you to both know that we are. We are trying really hard. But it's not an easy thing to do. We feel responsible for you becoming the people that God has designed you to be. And we believe that God has designed you to be special, unique people. People who will do great things with their lives. And we believe that the way we speak to you, and the things we model for you, what we read to you, what we allow you to watch, and the time we spend with you will be directly related to you becoming who you were designed to be. And it's hard sometimes, to get all of that right, you know, it's hard a lot of the time. Okay, just about all of the time, it's hard, because you are like the most valuable thing we have, and it's terribly important that we take care of you, and nurture you, and make sure that you grow the right way.
It's important to us that you know how much we love you. Hopefully, we show you that in all these things. I'm not sure that you can always see that as a 7 year old, and a 2 year old, but we always love you.
And just so you know, we are working really hard right now to give you a better life. Honestly, you have a pretty good life right now, but we are working to make it better. Your mom wants to be able to stay home more with you guys, to be around you more, to play with you more, and to hug you more, and chase you more, and hear more about your day. It makes her sad that she is working so much right now, and not able to do the thing she loves most, and that is to be with you. That really is her favorite thing in the world, being with you two. I need some alone time on occasion, actually, quite frequently I like to be alone, but your mom, she always wants to be near you.
I'm working on it. I don't have the answer right now, but I think I'm asking some good questions, and I think maybe I'll hit on an answer soon. We may have to sacrifice some things, and you may not like it right now, and you probably won't understand. But we believe it is what is best for you and our family. We want to be able to invest in you more, and be around you more, and offer you more opportunities. In order to do that, we may have to give up some things.
We Love You,
Mom and Dad
Just so you know, your mom and I love you more than you know. I think, most times, we love you more than even we know. It's a difficult thing, to be a good parent, perhaps the hardest thing we've ever done. We both teach, and we often hear this theme that we should assume that everyone is doing the best they can with their kids. I don't really know that I believe this, because I've seen some parents that don't really seem like they are trying very hard. But I want you to both know that we are. We are trying really hard. But it's not an easy thing to do. We feel responsible for you becoming the people that God has designed you to be. And we believe that God has designed you to be special, unique people. People who will do great things with their lives. And we believe that the way we speak to you, and the things we model for you, what we read to you, what we allow you to watch, and the time we spend with you will be directly related to you becoming who you were designed to be. And it's hard sometimes, to get all of that right, you know, it's hard a lot of the time. Okay, just about all of the time, it's hard, because you are like the most valuable thing we have, and it's terribly important that we take care of you, and nurture you, and make sure that you grow the right way.
It's important to us that you know how much we love you. Hopefully, we show you that in all these things. I'm not sure that you can always see that as a 7 year old, and a 2 year old, but we always love you.
And just so you know, we are working really hard right now to give you a better life. Honestly, you have a pretty good life right now, but we are working to make it better. Your mom wants to be able to stay home more with you guys, to be around you more, to play with you more, and to hug you more, and chase you more, and hear more about your day. It makes her sad that she is working so much right now, and not able to do the thing she loves most, and that is to be with you. That really is her favorite thing in the world, being with you two. I need some alone time on occasion, actually, quite frequently I like to be alone, but your mom, she always wants to be near you.
I'm working on it. I don't have the answer right now, but I think I'm asking some good questions, and I think maybe I'll hit on an answer soon. We may have to sacrifice some things, and you may not like it right now, and you probably won't understand. But we believe it is what is best for you and our family. We want to be able to invest in you more, and be around you more, and offer you more opportunities. In order to do that, we may have to give up some things.
We Love You,
Mom and Dad
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